Is Barnaby Joyce Australia’s most corrupt politician?
Is Barnaby Joyce Australia’s most corrupt politician?
Do the actions of Barnaby Joyce as a QLD Senator and later as a MP for the seat of New England, including his time as the Minister for the Department of Agriculture and Water Resources meet the definition of corruption?
In this article I take a deep dive into Barnaby Joyce’s entire political career in an attempt to answer that question.
Defining corruption
1: dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery. “the journalist who wants to expose corruption in high places”
2:the process by which a word or expression is changed from its original state to one regarded as erroneous or debased. “a record of a word’s corruption”
In general, corruption is a form of dishonesty or criminal activity undertaken by a person or organization entrusted with a position of authority, often to acquire illicit benefit.
Introduction
Barnaby Joyce is by far one of Australia’s most ‘colourful’ politicians, and always has been. However, have we accepted the euphemism ‘colourful’ as an accepted tolerance for blatant corruption and personal misdeeds, unfitting of a QLD Senator and Federal MP?
“Like the bushranger Thunderbolt, who’s colonial territory was not from the rural town of Walcha in NSW where Barnaby grew up on his parent's farm, Barnaby has managed to extract a level of acceptance, forgiveness and even complete adoration for his misdeeds.”
And it was all accomplished in a pre-trump era, long before slogans like Make America Great Again (MAGA) were ever a popular thing!
As someone who had spent a large part of his early life in regional Australia, Barnaby developed an understanding of the political capital that could be harnessed from his ‘weatherboard and iron’ mates in the bush.
Whilst living in St George, a rural town and locality in the Shire of Balonne, Queensland, Australia, Barnaby sharpened his teeth on the culture of bush politics.
In this article I take a deep dive into some of the most contentious scandals, and deeply concerning personal issues over the course of his political career.
It is by no means a complete list, nor is there enough space here to go into the full detail of each scandal, but I do attempt to highlight a litany of issues that have plagued Barnaby’s career, without any real civil, criminal or political consequences.
The personal consequences though, are another thing entirely.
Part 1: Political career timeline
Barnaby Thomas Gerard Joyce was born (17 April 1967) in Tamworth, New South Wales, and is a graduate of the University of New England.
Barnaby Joyce was raised as one of six children on a sheep and cattle property about 60 kilometres north-east at Danglemah near Woolbrook.
Joyce is the son of Marie (née Roche) and James Joyce, who were farmers. His father, a World War II veteran, was born in New Zealand and moved to Australia in 1947. Joyce’s paternal grandfather John P. Joyce was a career soldier who participated in the Gallipoli Campaign of World War I, including the landing at Anzac Cove.
Joyce attended Woolbrook Public School, boarded at Saint Ignatius’ College, Riverview in Sydney, and graduated from the University of New England (UNE) Armidale with a Bachelor of Financial Administration in 1989.
Barnaby Joyce met Natalie Abberfield at UNE. They married in 1993. After graduating, Joyce moved around northern New South Wales and Queensland as a farm worker, nightclub bouncer, and banker.
Before his accounting practice became established in St George, Barnaby Joyce faced serious financial difficulties; an experience common to many in small business, and one which left an indelible mark on Barnaby.
Part 2: Barnaby the Accountant
From 1991 to 2005, Joyce worked in the accounting profession and founded his own accountancy firm Barnaby Joyce & Co. in St George, Queensland in 1999. He is a fellow of CPA Australia.
Part 3: The ‘unreported’ affair
During the time Barnaby Joyce setup his accounting business in St George he also had a ‘not-so-secret’ affair with a barmaid named Melissa Waters who worked at the Australian Hotel at the time. According to several local sources half the town knew about the affair, but it was kept hidden from Natalie and Joyce’s young family at the time.
In January 2016, Tony Windsor dropped this hint on Twitter, but no-one really picked up on the significance at the time, apart from some frivolity at how absurd the social media post was that Barnaby had just published.
However just after that post was published by Tony Windsor on Twitter, I received an email from a ‘born and bred’ local who described in great detail the ‘not so secret’ affair Barnaby had with a local bar maid, whilst he was still married and living in St George.
Here is an extract from that email.
“The affair ended before he left St George. She wasn’t the only one. It’s not so much that he had an affair, it’s who he had the affair with, and the tie up with the MDBA indigenous side…..what deals were done to keep mouths shut etc… I think the affair with Melissa just shows what type of character he is… A lot of the town folk knew about this. Melissa used to brag to the other bar staff. Others would see him going for his early morning jog along the river….& stop at a certain house. Before Melissa, the cook at the Australian Hotel walked in on him & another barmaid in full flight on the vanity in the ladies toilet. Seems most of the town knew he played around, except Nat??”
Melissa’s father Ronnie Waters is a local indigenous man and a member of the northern basin MDBA committee.
In May 2019 close to $1 million was pledged by Maranoa MP David Littleproud announced St George would become home to a new Harmony Centre, a cultural hub that will house indigenous language, art and culture.
Melissa’s father Ronnie Waters was on the board of South West Indigenous Corporation at the time.
Part 4: The QLD Senator
Joyce was elected, (though it subsequently emerged in 2017 that he was not eligible for election), to the Senate at the 2004 federal election, taking office in 2005.
Despite going into the election as a vocal opponent to the sale of Telstra, once elected as a QLD Senator Barnaby Joyce backflipped on his position and just two weeks after being elected he voted to support the sale of Telstra. 20 years later and Australia is still languishing behind the rest of the developed world in terms of broadband speeds and telecommunications.
One on his mentors and former leader of the National party, Doug Anothy would go onto to be chairman of the Networking the Nation board which was part of a larger scheme called RTIF (Regional telecommunications Infrastructure Fund). After 7 years over $3billion was pork barreled from the Telstra sale proceeds to mostly NP and Liberal electorates.
Democrats Leader Cheryl Kernot warned the Australian Parliament of ‘Parochial Pork-Barreling’.
The Democrats, whose party motto at the time was “Keep the Bastards Honest,” decried the developments as “parochial pork-barreling” which threatened to set a “very dangerous precedent” in Australian politics.
The sale of part of Telstra followed a string of privatisations in recent years under the former Labor government, including those of national carrier Qantas Airways and Commonwealth Bank of Australia, one of the country’s biggest banks.
Despite a potential glut of global telecommunications sell-offs poised to hit world stock markets over the next year or two, industry analysts said they expect investor appetite for Telstra to be keen. According to Telstra, it ranks in the top 20 world telecommunications companies in terms of revenue, and has assets exceeding A$24 billion. In the year ended June 30, Telstra posted revenue of A$15.23 billion and after-tax profit of A$2.3 billion, up 32% from a year earlier, making it the biggest profit ever recorded by an Australian company. As part of a restructuring, Telstra announced in September that it plans to cut 22,000 jobs over the next three years.
In Australia, the company’s operations include Foxtel, a pay-television network that is a 50–50 joint venture with Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. Telstra also has various telecommunications operations in several Asian countries.
Part 5: Telstra Backflip: Joyce accused of selling out Australia
QLD National Party senator Barnaby Joyce has sold out the people of Australia by backing the full sale of Telstra, the federal opposition says.
Senator Joyce says he will support the privatisation of Telstra, provided the Universal Service Obligation (USO), which sets rules for basic standards, is toughened up.
The Queensland senator, who has wavered for weeks between backing the sale and holding out for a better deal, says his party is now in favour of the sale, after consultations over the past week.
But Labors treasury spokesman Wayne Swan says Senator Joyce has effectively been “duchessed” by the government.
Mr Swan said the outspoken senator should be ashamed, after selling out his constituents.
“It’s taken him something like two weeks out of his six-year term to sell out the people of rural and regional Australia,” Mr Swan told ABC radio.
Barnyard: The National Party’s Senate leader in 2008.
At the 2013 election, he transferred to the House of Representatives, winning the rural seat of New England in New South Wales.
During 2013, Joyce replaced Nigel Scullion as deputy leader of the National Party. In 2016 he succeeded Warren Truss as party leader and deputy prime minister.
In the Abbott and Turnbull Governments, Joyce served as Minister for Agriculture (2013–2015), Minister for Agriculture and Water Resources (2015–2017), Minister for Resources and Northern Australia (2017) and Minister for Infrastructure and Transport (2017–2018).
At the 2005 Federal Election Barnaby Joyce wins a QLD Senate seat.
During the 2017 parliamentary eligibility crisis, Joyce was confirmed to be a dual citizen of New Zealand.
On 27 October 2017, the High Court of Australia ruled that he had been ineligible to be a candidate for the House of Representatives at the time of the 2016 election.
Joyce re-entered parliament in December 2017 after winning the New England by-election with a large swing against low-profile opposition.
In February 2018, he resigned his ministerial and leadership roles after acknowledging that he was in a relationship and expecting a child with a former staffer. He was succeeded by Michael McCormack.
Part 6: Gwabegar property purchases
Below are the details of the two Gwabegar properties Barnaby Joyce purchased in 2006/07.
Lot 37 DP 39528 was the first property he purchased for $230,000 on 26/06/2006. Lot 1 DP 1121912 is the second property he bought for $342,572 on 15/05/2007. Both of these properties are covered by PEL 428.
Comet Ridge’s PEL 428 covers both his Gwabegar properties. We used the Valuer General NSW property title information and cadastral layers in ARGIS viewer with current Petroleum licenses to display this map.
In 2013, he told Fairfax Media he understood the ownership could be “viewed as a conflict of interest”, but denied knowing the region potentially held CSG reserves until years after the purchase.
That lack of knowledge was despite Mr Joyce’s close ties to John Anderson, the former Nationals leader, who became chairman of Eastern Star Gas in 2007. Eastern Star co-owned explorations rights to PEL 428, before the company was taken over by Santos.
In September 2017 the Deputy PM hit the air waves promoting the need to develop the multibillion-dollar Santos project, despite the federal government-appointed independent expert scientific committee recently finding significant “knowledge gaps” in the environmental impact study put forward by the company.
A spokesman for Mr Joyce said the property had not had a single offer and he has not set an asking price.
“There has never been a single person ever set foot on the properties to explore for gas or any other resource,” the spokesman said.
But Peter Small, a spokesman for the North West Alliance of 30 groups apposed to CSG development in the area, said Mr Joyce should not be making public speeches about Narrabri when he stood to benefit.
“We still see it as a conflict of interest,” Mr Small said.
Santos hold petroleum exploration licences in the region, including around Mr Joyce’s property, all of which depended on the Narrabri project proceeding.
The Narrabri project, 60 per cent of which sits in the Pilliga state forest and the rest farmland, is merely “stage one” of the development of CSG in the region.
“Without that stage one, [Mr Joyce] stands to gain nothing,” Mr Small said.
About a dozen exploration licences still stretch from Moree down to Dubbo, with the region near Gwabegar likely “the next in line”, he said.
Gunnedah basin gas is a sleeper
Comet Ridge shareholders obviously disagree with Barnaby Joyce’s evaluation of the prospects for PEL 428. With the share price hovering between $0.16 and $0.40 AUD over the last 5 years, patient shareholders eagerly waiting their ‘payday’ with the price expected to double once the green light for the Santos Narrabri project is given final approval.
In fact Comet Ridge themselves note there are 562 PJ of contingent CSG and Sandstone reserves in their Gunnedah petroleum tenements. That is as much gas as either of their other two QLD projects, Mahalo and Galilee.
Part 7: The Armidale Club Arson
In January, 2019 I published an article titled “Solving the mystery of the Armidale Club fire”.
This article was a forensic investigation into the circumstances behind the fire and explored any potential links to the relocation of the APVMA to Armidale.
Since we published the article in January there have been some major developments in the Armidale Club fire investigation with warrants issued to JLL and DAWR staff who handed over the missing APVMA tender documents from 2016. The police investigation was then focused on links to the APVMA relocation.
Barnaby Joyce says “he got ‘more sense’ out of officials after sacking department boss”
Former minister says he sacked agriculture department head Paul Grimes ‘to remind him where the authority starts from’.
Barnaby Joyce once said that he sacked the head of the agriculture department Paul Grimes “to remind him where the authority starts from” and boasted he “got a lot more sense” out of bureaucrats after the firing.
The revelation was contained in a report by The Project on Monday evening, in which Joyce repeated that he did not know the directors of Eastern Australia Agriculture despite acknowledging he may have done accountancy work for the previous owner of two properties at the centre of controversial $80m water buybacks.
The then prime minister Tony Abbott sacked Grimes in March 2015 due to a lack of trust, in part due to Grimes’ concerns about a saga involving changes in Hansard to an incorrect answer given by Joyce, the former agriculture and water minister.
In a letter written before the sacking released in 2016 Grimes told Joyce he no longer had confidence in his “capacity to resolve matters relating to integrity” with Joyce.
The issue of transparency and accountability are central to the reasons that Joyce sacked Grimes, and are most evident in the replacement he chose, Daryl Quinlivan who has covered up for Barnaby’s misadventures ever since.
Part 8: Sexual assault and harassment allegations
In 2018 sexual assault allegations surfaced about an incident at a ‘Rural Women of the Year’ award event at a Canberra in 2011.
A WA Labor MP has told State Parliament she was warned in 2014 that Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce had a history of groping women.
Key points:
- Jackie Jarvis’s friend accused Barnaby Joyce in 2018 of sexual harassment
- Ms Jarvis says several years earlier, she was warned to “be careful” of Mr Joyce
- Mr Joyce returned this week as Nationals leader and Deputy PM
Mr Joyce has denied the claims.
Jackie Jarvis made the comments about the re-elected Nationals leader during a speech in WA’s Upper House at 2:00am on Friday, in which she spoke out in support of her friend Catherine Marriott.
Ms Marriott, a former WA Rural Woman of the Year, has previously accused Mr Joyce of sexual harassment.
Mr Joyce categorically denied Ms Marriott’s allegations, calling them “spurious and defamatory”, and an investigation by the National Party was inconclusive.
Part 9: Watergate
In January 2019 up to a million fish have died in a 40 kilometre stretch of the waterway at Menindee Lakes. Since then, debate has been raging about how to manage the Murray Darling River in order to prevent more fish deaths, and better manage the most precious of our natural resources, water.
The federal government’s Drought Envoy Barnaby Joyce is rubbishing claims corruption within the Murray Darling Basin Authority is to blame. “It’s not corruption. That’s a load of garbage,” he tells Steve Price.
“What we have is a massive drought. This is one of the worst on record.”
Many locals believe cotton farms up north are being given unfair access to water, leaving less for those down river. Mr Joyce claimed this simply isn’t true.
Since then #watergate story exploded onto Twitter and then the main stream media following revelations building on previous research by the Australia Institute that serious issues exist with over $80m of water buybacks that took place during 2017.
In his latest article respected investigative reporter Michael West fact checks the claims Angus Taylor made on Sky News Interview with Chris Kenny.
The point missed by Sky, is that this deal appears designed for secrecy as much as tax; designed to get money out of the country to beneficiaries unknown. The fact that both Barnaby Joyce and Angus Taylor have declined to identify the beneficiaries only lends fuel to the fires of speculation.
Angus Taylor backed up with an ABC interview with Fran Kelly. The same talking points were canvassed: investing in the Caymans is “very common practice”, the super funds do it; he and his family personally had no interest in EAI.
FRAN KELLY: As a co-founder and director of this company (EAI) presumably you received fees at the time. How were these fees paid …?
ANGUS TAYLOR: I was a consultant and was paid consultant fees. Now I never had an interest in the company, or any related company, or any of my family members …
I didn’t receive a benefit from these water buy-backs, indeed I wasn’t aware of them at the time …
Barnaby’s brother Michael Joyce took over running Barnaby Joyce & Co accounting business in St George in 2005 when Barnaby won his QLD Senate seat. The business closed in 2008. During a recent doorstop interview with Hamish McDonald from Ten’s TV show ‘The Project’ he asked Barnaby were Kia Ora or Clyde ever clients of Barnaby Joyce & Co?
Michael Joyce: This is the office of Barnaby Joyce and Co. This is where Barnaby actually started his accountancy practice in St George, and now I’ve sort of taken over the business, although Barnaby still maintains an interest. But I’ve taken over the running of the business.
Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce was the Minister for Agriculture and Water who signed off on the purchases.
“What these newspapers don’t seem to accept is the water buy-backs program is designed to help farmers and the environment, not line the pockets of investors in a tax haven. That this was an extravagant use of taxpayers’ money, quite possibly worse. And until we know the identity of those who benefited from the $80 million payment, the story will remain unresolved, a mystery.”
Michael West
Part 10: Collateral Damage
In 2019 I was contacted by a woman by the name of Kylie Kilroy who has since passed away after suffering from a severe lung disease for many years.
Kylie and her family's property is situated at St George near the Balonne River was severely flooded on multiple occasions, but she noticed the impacts on her property after a neighbouring cotton farm named ‘Kia Ora’ constructed 10km long levee banks that redirected the flow of flood water towards her property.
This is her story.
This is a copy of Kylies letter sent to Angus Taylor in June 2020.
Angus Taylor
My name is Kylie Kilroy. I am 54 years of age, bedridden, on oxygen & massive doses of morphine daily and I am now awaiting the end of my life in an aged care facility. Why, you might ask, am I telling you this? Because you should remember me. Because I have contacted you on many occasions. Because I am the woman who lived on that property across the liver from Kia Ora near St George.
The property that was inundated with flood water four times in 23 months, to heights never seen before because of the incorrectly placed levees/str uctures that were supposed to be decommissioned with the $80 million water purchase that you & Barnaby Joyce were involved in/orche51:rated/oversaw. Along with the cost of damages, loss of livestock and repairs to my home due to inundation, I caught a disease cleaning up and ripping out the rotting mouldy carpets and hundreds of dead mice after the first 2011 flood event.
This disease, Non-Tuberculous Mycobacteria, had severely damaged my lungs and caused a cavity in the upper right lobe before it was finally diagnosed in September 2013.
Now, at the age of 54 and only nine years after that flood event, I am living in aged care because of a condition that is too much for my family to care for me.
So not only have I lost my home, property, livelihood, I have now lost my dignity, and I am soon to lose my life … prematurely.
“Fantastic, great MOVE, well done Angus”
Kylie Kilroy
This Twitter thread by @RonniSalt explains the horrendous impacts of these floods had on Kylie, her animals which she loved dearly and her entire family. Her life was never the same again.
Part 11: The MDBA debacle
Among the more sensational findings of the Murray-Darling Basin Royal Commission was that the authority responsible for administering the plan acted unlawfully and failed to use the best available science, including climate science.
The inquiry’s report, handed down this week, marked an extraordinary chapter in the Murray-Darling Basin’s controversial and contested reforms, and revealed much about the messy way in which water and climate law, science and politics interact.
A cascade of scandals
The Murray-Darling Basin Plan has remained controversial ever since its introduction in 2012. So, what is it again?
The royal commission is one of several inquiries into the integrity of governance in the Murray-Darling triggered by ABC’s Four Corners report,
Pumped: Who is benefitting from the billions spent on the Murray-Darling?
Since then, a cascade of scandals has eroded public confidence and governments have been losing the trust, authority and legitimacy needed to govern the Basin.
These inquiries document numerous failings of governance.
However, the SA royal commission report provides the most comprehensive documentation on what underlies the deep crisis of legitimacy.
Drawing on countless testimonies, it focuses in exquisite detail on the intricate legalities of the Basin Plan, raising substantive policy, legal and scientific concerns.
Why did SA decide to have a royal commission?
South Australians were outraged to discover NSW irrigators were taking billions of litres of water earmarked for the environment. Find out what happened next.
Restoring public trust in the governance of the basin is increasingly urgent.
The inquiry’s finding that the Water Act’s worthy ambitions were unlawfully compromised by the negligence and maladministration of the Murray-Darling Basin Authority (MDBA) — documented in over 700 pages of forensic legal detail — deserve to be treated seriously.
Commissioner Bret Walker (and his team) has delivered an intensely detailed yet readable study that provides rare clarity on the intricacies of Murray-Darling water policy.
It should be widely read by those interested in the basin, in Australian history and the evolving nature of our Federation.
Part 12: Barnaby: The Drought Envoy
Barnaby Joyce spent less than three weeks on the ground in drought-affected communities outside of his electorate while engaged as the government’s special drought envoy, according to MP travel records.
And while the government is refusing to release details of how much the position cost taxpayers, the former Nationals leader claimed $675,000 in expenses for the nine months in the role, and was allocated two staff members to conduct his work at a cost of an estimated $200,000.
The $675,000 figure includes Joyce’s normal work as a backbencher, but the government has declined to say how much was related to his work as special envoy.
The analysis comes as Joyce continues to defend his work in the position, which has come under scrutiny after it was revealed to parliament last week that he never produced a final report.
Part 13: Barnaby the Alcoholic
Many MPs — Labor MPs included — believe it’s grubby to target Joyce and as one put it to me “he does enough damage to himself”.
Another joked that Joyce was likely to increase his margin in his New England electorate at the next election. The rationale here is that politicians like this are easily forgiven by their own electorate who feel like they are being unfairly treated.
But not everyone has held back.
Labor MP Tania Lawrence likened Barnaby Joyce to Sir Les Patterson and suggested he reconsider his position as an MP. She broke with her colleagues and said the former deputy prime minister was an embarrassment to the parliament.
“Every member of this place stands here as a community leader and leadership casts a long shadow,” she told parliament without naming the former Nationals leader. “So what kind of leaders do our communities expect us to be?
“Do they want serious, responsible people who respect the importance of the laws before us, or do they want larrikin, living, breathing caricatures of Sir Les Patterson?
“Improper behaviour, before, during, or after work for anyone that has worked in the public service or the private sector well knows can mean disciplinary action and if it was a part of a course of behaviour, maybe a sackable offence.”
Nick Andrews, Bellevue Hill If the CEO of any Australian business was discovered at midnight flat on his back, drunk and swearing into his phone, he would have resigned the very next day. That someone who was elected to public office is allowed to retain their position tells us all we need to know about the “values” of the Coalition.
After the miracle Coalition Election win in May 2019, Barnaby chose to celebrate the victory and his re-election as the MP for New England by having a few beers with some of his local friends at the Uralla Hotel.
Part 14: Barnaby’s own ‘Corporate Gift’ scandals
Coalition MPs Barnaby Joyce, Julie Bishop and Teresa Gambaro were flown to Hyderabad by Gina Rinehart in a private jet to attend a wedding and claimed more than $12,000 in “overseas study” allowances to pay for flights home, according to the Sydney Morning Herald.
The three MPs were flown to India by mining magnate Gina Rinehart in a private jet, where they watched the granddaughter of her business partner marry in front of 10,000 guests.
Mr Joyce claimed a $5,500 flight home for him and his wife from Kuala Lumpur. The day of the flight, Mr Joyce met Malaysian officials at noon and at 3pm before flying home at 10pm.
Mr Joyce also claimed $3,600 in taxpayer entitlements for him and his wife to fly to Perth the day before the couple boarded the private jetabad. A spokeswoman said the couple attended “a range of official meetings with business people and Senate colleagues” in Perth.
Ms Bishop’s report says she briefly attended a “formal” wedding ceremony but argues the primary purpose of her trip was to meet Indian energy and infrastructure companies with Australian interests and lists eight such meetings.
In Ms Bishop’s “overseas study” report she says three of her meetings occurred on the day of the wedding.
Teresa Gambaro claimed $3,446 in “overseas study travel” for the trip, the purpose of which was to observe an international development program.
Coalition MPs Barnaby Joyce, Julie Bishop and Teresa Gambaro were flown to Hyderabad by Gina Rinehart in a private jet to attend a wedding and claimed more than $12,000 in “overseas study” allowances to pay for flights home, according to the Sydney Morning Herald.
Part 15: Barnaby’s legacy?
Barnaby Joyce told the Armidale Express in the article below that he had borrowed from the trials and tribulations of David Henry Drummond and the fight he had trying to get the University of New England started during the 1920’s.
“Just facing the guile and cunning; he really didn’t get approval for it, he just bullshitted his way through, and all I can say is nothing much has changed. You’ve got to be absolutely tenacious,” Mr Joyce said.
But exactly what does that mean? And just how far has he gone to get what he wanted? Lying? Bribes? Breaching the parliamentary code of conduct? Infidelity? Insider trading? Arson?
Just don’t get caught!
Dr Simon Longstaff is the executive director of The Ethics Centre and sums things up really well in this article.
“In helping Mr Joyce evade responsibility, our government has put yet another nail in the coffin of Ministerial (and personal) responsibility. Our Prime Minister and Cabinet have made it clear — personal obligations extend no further than obeying the strict letter of the law. If there is a loophole, exploit it. If the regulations are silent, then do whatever you feel like. Forget issues of ethics, of integrity, of basic decency. Exercise no judgement. Do not hold yourself personally responsible. Just comply. Just meet the minimum legal standard.
Just don’t get caught.”
